Let's talk about grief. Maybe it's not the subject you'd instantly want to read about right now but it's an important one that needs some extra exploration. No doubt you have heard the expression the only thing certain in life is death and taxes. However, I believe grief could be a part of this idiom; after all, grief is something we’re all going to experience some time in our lives. And because it’s such an uncomfortable feeling, it can be a difficult sensation to overcome would you agree?
But is it something we should simply ‘overcome’? It’s very common when grieving to ask yourself; When am I going to feel better? When am I going to stop feeling angry, hurt, sad, and alone? But when it comes to grief, timeframes don’t apply. Years may pass, and yes it may get easier, but those sensations of loss can still be felt.
Grief is just love that has no place to go.
The one thing that’s helped me with grief is to see it as another version of love. It’s the love I still want to give but can’t. It’s unspent emotion that’s just waiting to be released to the very person, animal, or thing that it’s intended for. It’s the emotion that signifies just how important the loss is. That doesn’t mean that the longer you grieve, the more you must have loved, but rather, that love existed in the first place.
Where there is grief, there is always love.
So how do you move past grief? To be honest, I’m not sure that you do. If anything, I believe that we move with it. Some days you may want to sit in complete silence or cry endless streams of tears. On other days you may feel searing anger and question how anyone could possibly continue to live a normal life when you’re experiencing such heartache. There may be days when you laugh but feel a pang of guilt for feeling happy at that moment. I’ve noticed that holding opposing feelings that contradict one another can sometimes be the most confusing and difficult to handle. But that’s grief; it’s love that’s felt in so many different ways.
The key is to not fixate on what is ‘normal’ because we all experience grief in different ways. All you can truly do is find a balance between listening to yourself and what you need (sleep, food, exercise, quiet reflection, etc). Often talking openly about the loss with another can help release the heartache even if there’s no solution to be had. Because grief isn’t something to be solved, it’s something to be felt.
In time, small shimmers of light will be found but often it’s time that brings those things. Time heals all wounds they say, so it might be useful to take some of that time to be with the grief and honour that part of you where love wells up inside.
In the beginning, when grief first shows up, the low feelings may seem deeper and longer. But with time, those lows, although still felt, will be less intense and shorter. And when those moments happen, it’s important to avoid telling yourself how you should feel but instead honour what is felt. Because my dear soul, it’s love, just in a different form.
With endless love,